I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
