I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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