He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How external is "for external use only"?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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