Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize