its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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