I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
