Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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