I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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