he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
