Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
