giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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