Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
