Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
