grandma shit on top of the toilet
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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