the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
