she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
