This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
