I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
