How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
