Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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