worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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