$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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