Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize