At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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