The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
