Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
