bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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