And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
