im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
