Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
