just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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