he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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