If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
