I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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