Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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