Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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