As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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