my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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