im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
