So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
