I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
