barbara walters just said penis...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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