you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we're so committed to being not committed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize