He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
