Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
