Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize