Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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