i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
