Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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