it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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