Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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