She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
