Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
