My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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