i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
