You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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