You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
