Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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