At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
