Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
