ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
