Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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