But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
