I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
