Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
