I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
