its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
