oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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