Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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