I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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