Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
