I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
