btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
