im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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