So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
