I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
